You may have noticed, especially if you know me in person, that I tend to laugh a lot, and make a joke of most things. I very rarely take things seriously, and often have trouble taking things seriously that I really should. My nickname was Lawlz a long time before I had a WoW character of the same name.
My PCOS is no exception. I make jokes about it. Rei and I talk about Ellie being an only child and growing up thinking she's a rabbit. I talk openly about my failboat ovaries like they're a living, evil entity that are plotting my demise. In my head they actually look a bit like Darth Sidious.
That's not to say I don't cry, or get upset about things. Ohhh Lord, do I cry. My poor, long suffering husband
gets to see this very pretty side of me. I am the ugliest crier on the
planet. And probably most other planets. Some people look okay when they
cry, but I don't. At all.
In a way I think that my sense of humor has become a bit of a coping mechanism in all walks of my life. I was a very serious kid, I didn't know how to take a joke, or handle fun being poked at me. I took things rather personally, and generally felt I was a bit of a loser. In my early 20's I took a deep breath and decided that it was time to stop being such an uptight douchebag, and I let go. I let myself laugh at myself, I taught myself to be more forgiving of myself, and I started to smile more. I stopped taking life so seriously. And it was beautiful. It was like being free of something that held me back for a long time.
In a way I think that my sense of humor has become a bit of a coping mechanism in all walks of my life. I was a very serious kid, I didn't know how to take a joke, or handle fun being poked at me. I took things rather personally, and generally felt I was a bit of a loser. In my early 20's I took a deep breath and decided that it was time to stop being such an uptight douchebag, and I let go. I let myself laugh at myself, I taught myself to be more forgiving of myself, and I started to smile more. I stopped taking life so seriously. And it was beautiful. It was like being free of something that held me back for a long time.
These days I find it much easier to laugh than to cry. It's easier to look for some humor in any situation than it is to look at the bad stuff.
Sometimes it's actually a bad thing, because at times I find that it actually prevents me from feeling things to their full extent. And eventually, when all the emotion catches up with me, I become a puddle of sad on the floor.
To take what is happening with my body at the moment as a bit of a bad joke actually helps me to get by and keeps the smile on my face. Not to mention all the wonderful people in my life that help me to laugh every single day. I've been very blessed in that respect.
I too look horrible when I cry. My face skews up like a baby Shar Pei (that sounds a lot cuter than it really is). Did I mention that I cry very easily? I hate it so much! The slightest twinge of emotion and I'm welling up, even if inside I'm yelling at myself "oh come ON, its not that bad!".
ReplyDeleteI had a point to this. OH! Yes, you are not alone in the ugly cry category. Or the couldnt-take-a-joke-as-a-kid category either. Sometimes that one rears its ugly head again when I'm not feeling my best.
What I do know, is that you are hilarious - your facebook constantly makes me laugh, and I regularly see the things you post on Buzz's wall, which also make me laugh. Crying is good! It's a much needed release that I dont think people put enough stock into. But laughing is better - release plus therapy in one? I'll take it!
Haha, I'm glad I'm not alone. I HATE being such an ugly crier, it makes it even more humiliating when I lose it.
ReplyDeleteThanks hun. I do enjoy a laugh. Much more attractive than crying usually too!